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okay so here's the deal... yesterday we went out for my friends Birthday. we went to Tampines mall nothing big, nothing fancy but on our opinion we thought it would be enough. but Surprise Surprise it wasn't. well supposedly the entire time we were planning to give the guy something to have fun with to forget the past few weeks that have been nasty and everything. it wasn't enough. i somehow have probably come to this conclusion that whatever we do for him won't ever be enough. and maybe it's time i stopped trying. maybe it's time i opened my eyes and see that i'm wasting my time. we all are. he has to lick his own wounds after which if he still remembers us all and thing we are important to him at all then we can move from there. because at the moment he is stagnant and so are all of us or in this case i guess I'm the only one on the loosing end cause everyone else has moved on. well that's coming to an end cause i too have decided to move on. no more late night calls. no more talking to them hourly on the phone. because at the end of the day when i do sit down and see it all, i only find myself on the loosing end. personally I'm very free. i have no problems what so ever. my family is godsend. and i'm grateful for them and they are the ones who matter. while i started spending so much time on all my other friends and their lives i have been neglecting my own. well that's about to change.
yesterday for me to get out of my house for the party was so damned tough on its own. i had to do some major convincing and they were half hearted. i knew that. but i thought of my friend and figured it would mean to him a lot if i was there too and we tried to make him happy it would take his mind of things. in my opinion i figured we all did our part and the outing was a success but for the GOH himself. it was just any other birthday, nothing special. well all i can say is i'm sorry and i hope u have a better time this Sunday.
i have reset my goals back in order. worked it all out. i'm not going to go chase after something i know i can never have and in the process hurt myself. i have a very uncomplicated life right now and thats a whole lot more then a lot of people have right now. in my opinion thats all i need. i have only one regret. maybe if i had waited one week and had this conversation with my dad which i just did a few minutes ago it would have been awesome. but well maybe i am better off. i will however clock the whole thing up as experience. haha god knows i need them. well so now i gotta go to polytechnic. hit my grades. i have to ensure it all works man, lol. i have to get in shape shed those pounds. and then after all that when i know i'm at my best. i will only get the best. that's when i will hold on to what i deserve and never let go... till that day
which wont be anytime soon i'll wait. it's like a good bottle of french wine. the value snowballs through the years
cheerios vicky