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i don't know i'm ready. but i'm going todo it anyway. i don't know if it will all work out. but i'm going to die trying. School starts the next day. i can't believe the long holiday is over, how did it go so fast. now i got school the next day. not any other school mind you, i'm going into a polytechnic. i'm screwed. like oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what if i don't fit in. i mean i will make friends. but the thought of making a whole lot of them again is soooo frustrating....welll i have school the next day and so this is about the end to all my long post. so for those who grumbled about them...lucky you
cheerios cya
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
alright I'll give it to ya all. i was pretty mad when i composed the previous post yesterday. i feel nasty about it. but by no chance am i going to remove any of it off, i dunno i just feel somehow that post has earned its place there as all the other post. you're all free to tag board me and let me know whats running through your head. well i don't know if all that came out of being angry or hurt. well i think it was hurt that i let out through anger. i don't like letting people know that i have been hurt. kind of leaves me vulnerable. especially if the wrong people came to know of it. Paranoia? i don't know. it may just be it. i have been pretty peaceful for the past two years. no problem at all. me, my studies my family, me. that about summed up m entire worries. even when i left school when my parents showed their dislike for my friends i was strong, i fought for them. but now i don't know if what i have been fighting for all this time is so important at all.
maybe i should start putting up a huge barrier in between with friends and family and so- called family but truly traitors. well my so- called family but truly traitors are back. and in full action doing what they do best. being asses. they have returned all pig- brained and are here to stay. i preferred it when they were far away very very far away. you know what i know they would rather be far away too. and i have no idea what they are trying to achieve being a A class ass hole and a snob. okay they have problems and does everyone who walks this Earth. if everyone decided to be childish and self- centered asses like them the world would stink.
god i had no idea i could hate like this. anyways i'm never eating or drinking in that house ever. they have no connection to me whatsoever. their ties with us are far over.
actually i think it's more their loss then mine. with all this going on. i have decided paying too much attention to my friends problems and my problems with them will drive me nuts. so i'm going to concentrate on my studies and making sure the asses who have returned never hurt my family. that's my major priority . God bless us all
i promise
1:59 AMokay so here's the deal... yesterday we went out for my friends Birthday. we went to Tampines mall nothing big, nothing fancy but on our opinion we thought it would be enough. but Surprise Surprise it wasn't. well supposedly the entire time we were planning to give the guy something to have fun with to forget the past few weeks that have been nasty and everything. it wasn't enough. i somehow have probably come to this conclusion that whatever we do for him won't ever be enough. and maybe it's time i stopped trying. maybe it's time i opened my eyes and see that i'm wasting my time. we all are. he has to lick his own wounds after which if he still remembers us all and thing we are important to him at all then we can move from there. because at the moment he is stagnant and so are all of us or in this case i guess I'm the only one on the loosing end cause everyone else has moved on. well that's coming to an end cause i too have decided to move on. no more late night calls. no more talking to them hourly on the phone. because at the end of the day when i do sit down and see it all, i only find myself on the loosing end. personally I'm very free. i have no problems what so ever. my family is godsend. and i'm grateful for them and they are the ones who matter. while i started spending so much time on all my other friends and their lives i have been neglecting my own. well that's about to change.
yesterday for me to get out of my house for the party was so damned tough on its own. i had to do some major convincing and they were half hearted. i knew that. but i thought of my friend and figured it would mean to him a lot if i was there too and we tried to make him happy it would take his mind of things. in my opinion i figured we all did our part and the outing was a success but for the GOH himself. it was just any other birthday, nothing special. well all i can say is i'm sorry and i hope u have a better time this Sunday.
i have reset my goals back in order. worked it all out. i'm not going to go chase after something i know i can never have and in the process hurt myself. i have a very uncomplicated life right now and thats a whole lot more then a lot of people have right now. in my opinion thats all i need. i have only one regret. maybe if i had waited one week and had this conversation with my dad which i just did a few minutes ago it would have been awesome. but well maybe i am better off. i will however clock the whole thing up as experience. haha god knows i need them. well so now i gotta go to polytechnic. hit my grades. i have to ensure it all works man, lol. i have to get in shape shed those pounds. and then after all that when i know i'm at my best. i will only get the best. that's when i will hold on to what i deserve and never let go... till that day
which wont be anytime soon i'll wait. it's like a good bottle of french wine. the value snowballs through the years
cheerios vicky
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
well well well
5:59 PMheya...
alls well i guess if you don't mind the huge messiness and clutter all round my life at the moment. Somehow i cant seem to recall a time when i was ever this close to not knowing what it is actually that's going on around me. it's alien territory to say the least and to my up most horror all my previous escapades aren't much of help to the measure of this particular scenario. how much do i really need to do. my temper is famous over the 7 continents ( i wish) my patience is sparse so how in the world am i going to manage i ask. and it return i got back silence...well not exactly silence( try living in a house with six occupants...silence becomes the forbidden fruit). somehow or rather this particular adventure i have begun is rather different from the others. yes I'm starting polytechnic and its the biggest transition of my life to date but so what i feel that the biggest change that would ever happen to me is yet to happen and when it does you will be the first to know. well i dont know how to put it across to everyone...but it is going to happen i pray it will.
vicky