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I did it. i finally did it. i made it i finally did. i woke up, feeling totally normal. i looked in the mirror and saw nothing different except that little pimple on my cheek. it sure picked some timing. but other then that i looked the same felt the same. but there was something in me some sort of realization that i just passed a bench mark. i just passed it. so what did that mean. oh yea i can hit a few shots of wine and get away with it. i can even drive a car god bless Singaporean roads and drivers when i do. when i look back over the last few years. the past year remains the most memorable.
i was 17 and i had just gotten my 'O' level results. my L1R5 was 11 and my L1R4 8. i had wanted so badly to go to a JC all my four years in secondary school. the thought of it just seemed incredibly prestigious. as the time for the selection of the schools came i realized that wasn't for me. i couldn't work in such an environment. it was just too much for me to handle.but my parents waned it and i wanted them happy. i agreed. and in march in entered Pioneer Junior college.
in secondary school i had never had a guy as a friend. at least not as a close friend. i was a prefect. and i took my job seriously. i was bullied for it had for it cursed for it. but i did what i felt was right and never regretted it. the teachers were happy with me. they praised my moral courage. never a day would u find where Vicky was seen with her shirt out her socks low on he ankle and her tie loose. i was the perfect student. i had friends who studied all the time like me. we had our own fun. we cooled our recess, took turns so our recess menu was always amazing and we didn't give a damn of what others said. but still we maintained our distance with guys. others would have thought we were weird but i knew many envied us. cause to us life was as simple as we made it. we took joy in little things, our lives were filled with books and our joy and pain came from them and each other. while our classmates jumped from one boyfriend to the other we were exchanging notes. and at the end of the day when i went to take my results. i saw all my friends sweating and filled with nerves. but i, i was clam. cause i knew i did all that i could, and if that still wasn't enough i didn't know wad would be.
i shocked myself with an A1 with English, i mean i spoke well and everything. but with English you could never be so sure. my friends and i hugged each other. we were splitting up and though all the other classmates had their boyfriends and girlfriends hugging them when the got their results whether they were good or bad i dunno. i looked back from my closer friends and saw who stood behind us. our parents. and they were beaming. and i thought. it was worth it. all of it. to see that look on their faces. and when we were walking out. so many teachers came up to us and spoke with us. telling us how proud they are that we stuck to who we were and didn't change to fit in. we made it work for ourselves. the feeling was awesome. when i walked out of my secondary school i told myself, the only the school would remember me for was for my public appearances on stage being the EMCEE and being a STUDENT COUNCILOR and BEING THE CHAIRMAN OF THE ELDDS.
i was proud that when my name was spoken i wont be refereed to as oh that guys girlfriend or latest fling or the girl outside the General Office. i left happy and proud and the feeling overshadowed the joy of my grades. cause you could have done fantastically but to me its the impression you made that counts. cause that's what would keep you in memory.
through the first three months i stayed home. i wanted to be able to spend some time home to collect myself. before my mad rush in JC. during that time i did something i still can't believe i did. i wrote my first book. i titled it Mirage. i wrote it. and when i read back certain paragraphs i couldn't believe it was written by me. i surprised myself. then i realized it was written with such fervor because it was what i wanted. the story was of what i wanted in life and what i pictured i would be. i was a dreamer then and still am.
so i walked in to my JC. it was crowded. filled with so many students and there i stood with my secondary school uniform. the orientation was about to begin. i saw how close the students were. and immediately i clocked it up as a front they were putting up. they were acting as though they loved dancing around and singing to some old song but in fact they hated it and this exact moment they would rather be doing something else. and for just a minute i regretted coming to a JC. but i bit my tongue and went through with it. i tried to make friends with some of them in my group. but although they were friendly they just moved away didn't bother to become closer. they answered my questions. and left it. that was when i realized. it wasn't them but me. i was being closed up. because i was so used to it in secondary school then over the march hols before school started proper. i decided i was going to put an end to this. and one thing i did do was change my hair. the way i tied it. i go into the latest trends in school. like the bag the shoe and even the water bottle. it actually felt good, to realize i was doing something to make it work.
then the first day of school started i immediately cliques with Divya, Swetha and Preethi and Meveen. and we had a blast. all us girls we had fun exploring the school and hen it started. the guys eyeing the girls and the girls eyeing the guys. it was interesting at this point in time. cause the guys i started seeing were those immature ones i hates in secondary school. they were grown....oh yea fully grown. some towering me like crazy. but it was interesting to see my friends with their eyes turning over and glazed. then there was this one guy in school who we all thought looked pretty good. and they were all so shy to go up to him and everything. so i did the unimaginable i had overhear what his name was...so i walked up to him stood right in front of him and saw the slight hesitation in his stride...that gave me the strength to do what i did next. before i knew it there were words coming out of my mouth "Hey, i heard about you. Can i have your number?" i asked before stretching out my phone into his hand for him to key it in. he was shocked then he took the phone and keyed his number and told me to give him a miss call. then i smiled at him and walked backed to my friends. i saw their mouths hanging and all i could do was laugh out. i couldn't believe what i just did. but i felt good. it felt great to know i could unnerve that fella. and today he is one of my bestest best friends and his girlfriend whom he was attached to even before JC was my friend too. and this is one moment i wont ever forget. this was my transition.
yesterday i turned 18 and i remembered the past year. it was very eventful. i had my first boyfriend and my own group of friends whom i want to stay with forever. it was my future. so i will leave u here for now and fill you in on more...today on the first day since i turned 18 i thought of this. tomorrow hopefully my mind does more
cheers ppl
Vicky
Saturday, March 8, 2008
over in the narration i wrote a bit on Jessie Davis, a character in a book i was working on. She to me was someone who lived her teenage days to the best she could in every way she knew. someone who grasped on to life on a stranglehold. not because she was choking herself, but because she wanted to relish in every moment of it. every second. i really liked that about Jessie. she was to me everything Ira wished she had and was but couldn't because Ira still saw life through rose tinted glasses and in many aspects Jessie had stopped years ago.
okay what i came here to write about was about my life in PJC, being in SC. so i was in SC for a period of 3 months before i called it quits. the very next week after i got elected in and after i had been introduced to the masses as someone in the supposed most prestigious CCA in the school. though i to date believe the title would be more suitable for the rugby team. They are awesome i'm not being biased, as the best player is my neighbor and good friend. lol.
yea then on my first meeting i got the role of being a leader for one of the teams that will in the end be part of the investiture where we will be sworn in formally. during the first meeting with my group, i walked in and saw the faces of my members. i saw in everyone of their faces a leader and a resentment that i was indeed standing there leading them and not themselves. it scared me. it was reality sinking in that I'm dealing with people from a totally different level.
then that very week i had to walk into hospital as my knee was again giving me a hell of a problem. i was on MC for better most of two weeks and obviously my team didn't like it. they tolerated it for a while after which they just hated any relation with me and every meeting with them was tight and sparse.
then i started feeling out of place. never attended school regularly after. the pain some mornings was beyond me, especially when it was cold. i hated school and i hated to have anything to do with them .during this time shan wasn't really that close to me yet. kanesh timothy they all had their own lives and my gals preethi, divya and meveen did their best i guest. but i couldn't do it. i couldn't face school, cause i didn't know the answers to anything, i couldn't face the SC cause i knew i contributed to nothing. it sucked cause 17 and 18 years were my shining years. and here i was caught with a damn injury barely able to walk and getting scrutinized for something i didn't ask for. i could see it in their looks they were just waiting for me to say or do something so that they could lay all the mistakes and all blames on me. and i was guilty enough to just let them .
only then did realize that this was a different kind of bullying . Shan noticed my probs finally and i told him how much i could. but i didn't open myself fully i closed myself up. that was when i met Sanjay. He was so nice. he listened and he was a couple of years older. he was everything i needed.
ok till next time
cheers
vicky
Friday, March 7, 2008
okay here's the deal i couldn't think of a better title. give me a break already. i started this 18th trend thing to help me personally admit i am starting to become and resemble an old hag. Some may say nonsense, but i certainly do notice the difference between a radiant 16 year old and an 18 year old. Okay so I'm vain. WELL WHAT DO YOU EXPECT I'M A GAL I'M ENTITLED. So a lot has happened and even though i am 24/7 on the computer, except those two faithful days last week i was out shopping, i haven't managed to post an entry. so now I'm here and now I'm going to bore your life even more by filling u in on all the little perky details of mine. Enjoy, if you're here reading it. you asked for it. YOU HAVE BEEN FOREWARNED.
i have finished watching the top ten on my movies to watch list. i have used to date since i started a fortnight ago 3 boxes of tissues. yes i know, me and romantic comedies are a danger to the rain forest. so the faster Polytechnic starts the better for the Universe, do we all agree???
the current love of my life is off course the one and only Gerard Butler. well i can lie and say i preferred him in 300 then to P.S i love you, but my ridiculously transparent facial expressions will give myself away. yes he had wonderful ads and an amazing hot sweaty bronzed body in 300 that had my tongue rolling(i admit it, any girl out there who says different is a liar, no doubt about it). i did almost convince myself i wouldn't mind a man with a thick beard if he had a body like that. i certainly did convince myself that i would prefer his yells and screams of freedoms that seem oh so manly and hot to sweet whispers in my ears. but then i was seduced by him dying in P.S i love You. the sad part is not that he is dead, but that he takes on the role where we constantly curse him and whoever wrote the tale for killing him. Let the poor man rest in peace i say . but then i too am guilty of wishing him alive and resent that such a nice man has to die of such a horrible disease. well no matter what the critics say i can't seem too get the story out of my head and i admit thinking of it now even gets me a little upset.
last week Wednesday and Thursday i went SHOPPING. it was awesome i bought a pair of heels which is so high i bet if i wear it I'll tower my dad and i bought two blouses on the wed and realized the size was wrong thats why i went out on thurs to get it changed and go myself two more blouses. which was pretty entertaining i must say when your shopping partner is the world renowned SHEILA AKKA. she pitty patted all round JOHN LITTLE admiring everything ohhh ahh ing and everything but tried and bought nothing. and that is what so great about her. she is a awesome person to shop with so next time any of you need to go splurge you know who to call yea.
i watched leap years too. a Singapore based and produced movie. it was refreshing to the self depreciating comedies you often see and was in fact kind of romantic. i loved it more than i would have guessed and that i guess is a sign to me that i am indeed becoming mushy and have to pull my socks back up before someone pulls the rug from under me.
i got my package for polytechnic yesterday i have to go for a medical examination over next week. the first person i called when i got it. i called waree and asked her o pray to the lord with me that there would be no bloodthirsty count dracula's dressed in white with pointy things in their hands rather then jaw trying to get a tube or more of blood out of me. we're still praying.
over on Wednesday actually me and my mum we were all alone dad was out sis was sleeping and me and my mum finished an ice-cream tub talking nonsense laughing like crazy hyenas and well watching American idol. we had a blast after which we saw another program and we just laughed a lot. i can't remember a thing we said. but all i remember is we had an awesome time. and these are the nights i treasure more then outings and money spending.
at the moment i have reached i writer's block here. i will get back soon and fill in what exactly i need to say lol....
ok then cheerios and till my next entry muax